There are some things in life that are unquestionably hard to do. Performing vascular surgery, managing the England football team, or being a friend of Dorothy in a South Yorkshire mining village are some examples. Then there are things at the other end of the difficult-o-meter that require minimal, if any, effort - getting drunk and breathing would be two examples, listening to what your customer actually said to you 3 seconds ago is another. Step into my time machine and let us re-traverse the temporal plane to a time hitherto spent and we will find my younger self sat at his desk trying to pay some bills using HSBC's online banking system. Only the chuffin' thing isn't there. It's not working because it's not there. The box to log in has disappeared like a Romulan vessel before the tightening sphincters of the crew of the USS Enterprise. So I picks up me phone (I often act like Popeye when I'm frustrated) and ring the number buried deep within the HSBC website. Naturally, being in Yorkshire and having an account holding branch in Manchester I'm greeted by a woman who can barely speak English.
Me: "Hello, I'm trying to log on to Internet Banking but the log in box isn't there"
Cusotmer Care: "I see. Well we've had no reports that it's not working."
Me: "Really?"
Customer Care: "Yes, there are no reports of any problems."
Me: "So what did I just report to you?"
Now please don't take this as condemnation of foreign call centers. Our web hosting company is based in Blighty and their staff announce themselves with a grandeur straight out of Dickens.
"Good afternoon, Hostway Sales. Charles De Vries the third, grandson of the late Admiral De Vries, great grandson of the Fifteenth Earl of Tossington, and generally thoroughbred Englishman. How may I help you?"
"Your website isn't working."
"I see. Well it seems fine at this end..."
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