Bob, have you looked outside since you put us on Google Maps?!!

What are the neighbours going to say?

The People's Post Office

A client just rang us up. He has a problem in that if you put their business' post code into Google Maps or Multi Map, you can't find it. I checked on the Royal Mail's own postcode checker and they too can't find it. No worries, I thought (I sometimes think in an Australian accent) I'll call the People's Post Office and find out what the problem is. The problem is the helpline is only open between the hours of 6-00pm and 8-00pm Monday to Friday and 9-30am to 5-00pm on Saturdays.

I'll let you guess what I think of that.

some things I learnt at a conference

We've just spent two days at a conference. Here's what I learned:

1. Alliteration Alludes to Above Average Ability.

2. Using capitals on every letter makes you a gifted child.

3. "The most complex of ideas can be expressed in the simplest language," said Wittgenstein. Clearly he'd sat through a few PowerPoint presentations in his time. If you need to use a yellow and red sunburst colour scheme on your presentation the content is dull. One font. Two sizes. Maybe some judicious italics. If it ain't working like that then it's time to think about what you are saying and say it in small, easy to digest chunks.

4. If you are going to use PowerPoint learn how to change between slides. I hate all things Microsoft with a passion but they got this bit right. You simply press a button.

5. Talking of things that are easy to digest, it's an immutable law of biology that your bowels will fill with gas the second the room falls silent yet be as calm as a Bhuddist on Mogadon the moment you leave the room to fart.

6. The large coffee pots are not a challenge. That caffeine will play havoc with your digestion. See point 5 above.

7. Whenever a group of parents get together over alcohol the topic of conversation will always include their children's bowel movements.

8. Whenever a group of creatives get together over alcohol the topic of conversation will always include their own bowel movements.

9. When you've heard the keynote speaker singing rugby songs in the bar the night before, their presentation takes on a whole new meaning.

10. If you put party poppers and empty balloons on the dinner table expect people to use them.

11. The 3rd sector is and always has been a hiding place for people who just aren't very good. It is also the vocation of some very talented, passionate, and modest people. Don't confuse the two.