Shock horror - A Level pass rate rises for 26th year in a row!

It's A Level results day and the number of yoofs passing them is predicted to reach 97%, an increase for the 26th year in a row. Naturally some cynics will say that the exams are too easy. Piffle! will come the indignant retort of pedagogs and politicians of the Government. Already the BBC are reporting the following:

Anthony McClaran, chief executive of Ucas, the body which handles undergraduate applications to UK universities, said: "As with every year, some people will inevitably claim that A-levels are getting easier but we shouldn't really take away from the hard work of those students who have done well in their results today.

"It is difficult to compare the A-levels of today with those of 40 years ago as the world is quite a different place.

Indeed the world is a very different place but unless I missed the email that announced that the laws of algebra and physics had changed then surely the students should be solving the same problems as their parents were back in the 70s. Of course 40 years ago we didn't have subjects like media studies and women's studies. As an advisor at a well known academic institution said to me a few months ago, if the course has the word studies in the title then it's really the light version of the subject. Anthony McClaran continues:

"Many world records are being broken at the Olympics but that doesn't make the feat easier or the distances shorter."

Apples and oranges, old chap. The stop watch and tape measure don't lie. Does he really believe that the subjective evaluation of an essay is a good comparison?

Of course the debate will rage on until next Thursday when the GCSE results are announced and both will be forgotten over the bank holiday weekend as we rightly redirect our ire towards the Government's failure to provide us with a decent summer yet again. So I've come up with my own A Level. Let's call it Youth Studies. When the moderator tells you to begin you have 2 hours to answer the following questions:

1. If A Level pass rates are rising, the people passing the exams must be smarter. Explain in no more than 500 words why nobody under the age of 35 who works in a shop, bar, or restaurant can add up the cost of fewer than 6 items without the assistance of an electronic cash register.

2. If youths r getting smrtr xpln in no mre thn 500 words y a lrge mjority ov thm cnt use vowels in wrds that hve had vowels since the yr dot (when A Levels were invented).

3. If young people are genuinely more intelligent than their ancestors 40 years ago, why is Big Brother in its 9th season?

4. If young people are genuinely more intelligent than their ancestors 40 years ago, why did Big Brother ever make it onto the telly?

5. If young people are genuinely more intelligent, why are they making the same mistakes that their ancestors did 40 years ago?

things that bother me no. 14

That bloody graphic (above) on web pages that are 'under construction'. It bothers me for many reasons. First, it's a crap idea. It was crap idea ten or more years ago when I first set eyes on it and it hasn't changed. Second, I can't see the link between a roadworks sign and the construction of a web page. Yes, I know it's supposed to be a play on 'construction' but there's no lateral leap or logical hindsight. If we are going to be that facile then maybe I should surround my desk with cones and don a hard hat and safety tabard as I construct this sentence. Ridiculous? Yes, it is. Third, how bloody hard is it to build a webpage? Well for me sat upon the throne of creative governance it's quite easy. I simply scribble some instructions on a scrap of paper and a team of people younger and brighter than I turn it into a web page. I don't ask how, I simply enjoy the magic. But even not being versed in XML, ASP, Flash and all that other technical stuff I know that the bright young things can go from a state of wide eyed 'I hope he isn't looking to...' to a state of exuberant 'Have a look at this!' in days rather than weeks or months. A complete award winning website with animation and lots of database driven content and data capture took less than a month. The sites that are 'under construction' are rarely that complicated. Perhaps this is the thing that really bothers me. They are always (ALWAYS) dreadful websites either put together with a software package designed for people with hooves or they are based on some free template from the same diabolical source that inflicted clip art on the world.

If you have a website and you haven't got the time or knowledge to create all those wonderful pages that are still under construction years after your website went live then please click here. Buy the 3 page off the shelf website and we'll throw in a fourth page for free. Just take down that under construction sign. Please.

Misery is not miserly

New research has found that sadness increases the amount of money people are prepared to pay for a commodity. In an experiment carried out by a team from Carnegie Mellon, Harvard, Stanford and Pittsburgh universities volunteers were subjected to a short piece of video about either the death of a boy's mentor or the Great Barrier Reef. Both videos had been validated to induce either a state of sadness or no emotional response. After watching the videos the participants were then asked to buy or not buy a bottle of water at various prices.


The people who had watched the video about the death of the boy's mentor paid more for the same bottle of water than the people who had watched the Great Barrier Reef video. The researchers concluded that people's emotional state has a direct influence on how much they are willing to spend.

For years sales people have been taught to greet customers with a smile. Most people automatically smile back, and by smiling their brains assume they are happy and run their 'happy program'. The new research above suggests there may be an alternative. I'm not suggesting alienating or berating customers as they enter your premises like a retail Basil Fawlty but perhaps some low key melancholic classical music rather than Gobby Williams blaring out might put shoppers into a more self-reflective state making them more likely to pay higher prices.

Ethics aside, it's a fascinating area to be explored.

Things that bother me no. 2

Wind.

Surprisingly I'm not talking about flatus. I'm talking about Billy Wind.

A cross wind is worse than a head wind.

We are sworn enemies.

Sign by Danasoft - Myspace Layouts, Forum Signatures

things that bother me no. 8674

The word 'winningest'.

Google adwords strikes again

We seem to now have a new selection of ads on this page along the following lines:

Gut & Bowel Troubles?

Sometimes Going Can Be Difficult Ease The Pain, Visit Our Site Today

www.PassItOnNow.co.uk

and

Bloating

I Cured My Irritable Bowel Fast So Can You - Read My Story

www.ThisCureWorks.com/IBS

and even better...

Problems with your bowel?

Stop worrying about your bowel Have a virtual colonoscopy today

www.vitalimaging.co.uk

I can only assume that Google, in it's ineffable wisdom, has picked up on the fact that Satan has a face on his bottom and it makes him rather irritable.

Makes you wonder what else we could make it come up with. Hmm. I'd rather like to go Llama trekking in the Appalachia. While I'm there i might decide to make my own jam. I might get a cheap luxury watch to bring home with me. (on a low budget airline of course)

Certainly don't want to mention prescription medicines - that'd give Google a field day...

Which came first, orange or the orange?

Do you suppose an orange is so named due to its orangey hue, or was the colour orange given its name in recognition of the fruit to which it bears such a striking resemblance?

'tis a most perplexing mystery.


An orange.


Some orange.

The subject of orange foodstuffs brings me cunningly on to the humble carrot. Which shouldn't be orange. It should be, and originally was, black, yellow, red, purple and a veritable plethora of other weird and wonderful colours.

Our now sadly depleted carrot choice is thanks alone to 16th century Dutch farmers, who took it upon themselves to honour their monarchy, the house of Orange, by selectively breeding the yellow and red varieties of carrot commonly available at the time. Little did they know that by presenting their king with an appropriately coloured tuber they would sound the death-knell for worldwide carrot diversity.

It's a lucky thing the colour orange wasn't named after carrots or the whole world would be plunged into confusion.

Things that bother me no. 3

Rain.

things that bother me no. 9762

Has an actress ever really made a double entendre to a bishop?

FABULOUS FREE GIFT!

I ordered some keyrings for a client. The courier has just delivered them. I opened the package to find a small box with 'Mystery free gift' stamped in red letters on it. A slight tumescence began to surge through my happy glands. A free gift. What could it be? It's only a small box but...eagerly I reached for a scalpel. Like a battlefield surgeon I trembled with adrenaline but my cutting hand was steady as a rock. Don't want to damage my free gift. What could it be? Got to get the box open...




...and here, ladies and gentlemen, is my free gift:






A BT ADSL filter. I had hoped for an apple core. But hey! a free gift's a free gift. Thank you, keyring people. I'm touched.

They think of everything.

This...



...is a left-handed fish slice.

Apparently the difference is in the shape of the blade.

If you don't believe me, have a look here.