April Tomfoolery

And so it comes around every year. The day when the national media emblazon some cunningly-disguised spoof article across their collective front pages and entertain us all with the wit that only men with the power of Rupert Murdoch can muster.

This year the BBC showed some imagination with footage of flying penguins migrating to South America. The Telegraph on the other hand, showed none by pinching the same story. The Express had us rolling on the floor with a picture of Big Ben as a digital clock. Oh the mirth. Still, rather surprisingly they didn't try to claim that this was in any way at all related to the death of Princess Diana. Apparently in their eyes, everything else in the world is.

BMW kept up their tradition of posting a spoof advert in all the national papers - this time extolling the virtues of a new piece of technology available on forthcoming Beemers; namely Canine Repellant Alloy Protection. A device designed to incapacitate any weak-bladdered dog who cared to pass water upon your shiny wheels by the delivery of a modest electric current.

The Daily Mail, however, seemed to think we'd all find it amusing to know that Alistair Darling buys National Lottery tickets at his local newsagents. The big joke, apparently, being that he doesn't.

I can't be the only person to think that the Mail hasn't quite grasped the concept of a spoof news article here. Given their political standpoint and usual readership, it would be far more amusing to see something along these lines:




Perhaps they were concerned that if they were to run such a headline, 80% of their readers would cancel their subscriptions. (Given that most of the other 20% are those who would prefer to read a broadsheet, but don't have long enough arms.)

Following this, I suppose they would have to rectify their position by publishing this explanatory headline the next day:



Having done that, they would have lost two-days worth of headline space that could have been devoted to maligning people who weren't born in the Home Counties, leaving their readers with the impression that they'd turned into a bunch of soft Lefties.

Given such grave circumstances it must be with considered foresight that they chose instead to insinuate that that Chancellor of the Exchequer enjoys gambling.

Don't you just hate it when politics stands in the way of comedy.

Global warming and global cooling

Eggs come out of a hen's warm body and lay in the thermal insulation of a straw nest for days until the farmer or his wife collect and eat them. Apples grow in the warmth of the summer sun, basking in its life giving rays for 12 or more hours a day. The local Co-operative stores apples and eggs in the chiller cabinet. Hang on a minute, what do they know that Mother Nature doesn't? 

Good with food? I don't think so. Just the same as the other supermarkets only they don't pretend to be the saviour of wholesome food and fair play.

Oh and the Co-op's beer is always warm. Not enough room in the chiller cabinet.