Which came first, orange or the orange?

Do you suppose an orange is so named due to its orangey hue, or was the colour orange given its name in recognition of the fruit to which it bears such a striking resemblance?

'tis a most perplexing mystery.


An orange.


Some orange.

The subject of orange foodstuffs brings me cunningly on to the humble carrot. Which shouldn't be orange. It should be, and originally was, black, yellow, red, purple and a veritable plethora of other weird and wonderful colours.

Our now sadly depleted carrot choice is thanks alone to 16th century Dutch farmers, who took it upon themselves to honour their monarchy, the house of Orange, by selectively breeding the yellow and red varieties of carrot commonly available at the time. Little did they know that by presenting their king with an appropriately coloured tuber they would sound the death-knell for worldwide carrot diversity.

It's a lucky thing the colour orange wasn't named after carrots or the whole world would be plunged into confusion.

Things that bother me no. 3

Rain.

things that bother me no. 9762

Has an actress ever really made a double entendre to a bishop?

FABULOUS FREE GIFT!

I ordered some keyrings for a client. The courier has just delivered them. I opened the package to find a small box with 'Mystery free gift' stamped in red letters on it. A slight tumescence began to surge through my happy glands. A free gift. What could it be? It's only a small box but...eagerly I reached for a scalpel. Like a battlefield surgeon I trembled with adrenaline but my cutting hand was steady as a rock. Don't want to damage my free gift. What could it be? Got to get the box open...




...and here, ladies and gentlemen, is my free gift:






A BT ADSL filter. I had hoped for an apple core. But hey! a free gift's a free gift. Thank you, keyring people. I'm touched.

They think of everything.

This...



...is a left-handed fish slice.

Apparently the difference is in the shape of the blade.

If you don't believe me, have a look here.

Things that bother me No. 5632

Do the personal culinary preferences of the sandwich maker influence the quality of sandwich you receive?

If they don't like onions am I going to get too many onions on my sandwich, no onions at all, or just the right amount?

Well fancy that.

Apparently, according to Michael Pacher (c. 1435 - 1498), the Devil had a face on his bottom.



One can only assume this made sitting down rather uncomfortable. Which I suppose, after several thousand years, would account for an irritable attitude and this in turn will have gone some way to contribute to the not inconsiderable amount of bad press The Beast has received of late.

Perhaps a faith that teaches understanding and acceptance should feel more sympathy towards one who has suffered at the hands of such a disability, rather than overtly displaying the worrying traits of Arsefaceophobia.

Still more worrying however, is the apparent fundamental lack of ... well... fundament.

Presumably a digestive tract which works from both ends towards the middle and evidently, like George W Bush's Iraq campaign, has no exit strategy, would cause a certain amount of digestive discomfort. It is evident from the picture that this is the case as old Satan appears to also be suffering from a quite a severe case of Anorexia.

I'd recommend surgery, counseling, and a pot of Activia every day.


The offending posterior.